I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
