i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
