I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
