hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Semen is not good for contacts.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
