You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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