Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
