I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My friends, they love my intelligence
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
