those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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