Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
