so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
