Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
