is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
