I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
