Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
