It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
