hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
