i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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