fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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