I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
