Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
