i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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