im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
