i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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