I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
