i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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