if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
