If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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