You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
