Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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