Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
