Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
