You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
