Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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