Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
