Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
