She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
