a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
