They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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