just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
