i think my mom watched the whole time
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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