Buhtt sex?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
