Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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