So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
