I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
