Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
