he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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