don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
