She is in my trunk
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
