I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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