I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
