he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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