yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
