do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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