At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
