Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
