I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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